This does not mean just sticking together legally: Research shows that being married only accounts for 2 percent of subjective well-being later in life. In other words, the secret to happiness isn’t falling in love it’s staying in love. The healthiest participants at age 80 tend to have been most satisfied in their relationships at age 50. But these habits pale in comparison with one big one: The most important predictors of late-life happiness are stable relationships-and, especially, a long romantic partnership. Many of the patterns uncovered by the study are important but unsurprising: The happiest, healthiest people in old age didn’t smoke (or quit early in life), exercised, drank moderately or not at all, and stayed mentally active, among other patterns. The Harvard Study of Adult Development has assessed the connection between people’s habits and their subsequent well-being since the late 1930s. Thrilling, yes, but it can hardly be thought of as bringing contentment indeed, during some historical periods it has even been connected to suicide.Īnd yet, romantic love has been scientifically shown to be one of the best predictors of happiness. P assionate love-the period of falling in love-often hijacks our brains in a way that can cause elation or the depths of despair. You might more accurately say that falling in love is the start-up cost for happiness-an exhilarating but stressful stage we have to endure to get to the relationships that actually fulfill us. Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | Googl e Podcasts | Pocket Castsįalling in love can be exhilarating, but it isn’t the secret to happiness per se. Vivek Murthy discuss remedies to alleviate the impact of loneliness on our daily lives in How to Build a Happy Life. For example, if I had been shown the evidence that “destiny beliefs” about soul mates or love being meant to be can predict low forgiveness when paired with attachment anxiety, I would have said, “Well, duh.” I certainly didn’t need a social scientist with a Ph.D.-future me-to present young me with scholarly evidence that a lot of unhappiness can attend the early stages of romantic passion. The long-distance relationship before I moved to Spain was filled with agonizing phone calls, unintelligible letters, and constant misunderstandings. After a year punctuated by two frustratingly short visits, I quit my job in New York and moved to Barcelona with a plan to learn the language and a prayer that when she could actually understand me, she might love me.įalling in love was Sturm und Drang: euphoric at times, but also risky, fraught, and emotionally draining. Obviously, I told my amused father, “she has no idea I plan to marry her.” But I was 24 and lovestruck, and none of that stopped me from embarking on a quixotic romantic adventure. “I think I may have met my future wife,” I told my father on the phone, “but there are a few issues.” To be precise: I met the woman in question on a weeklong trip to Europe, she lived in Spain, we’d only been on a couple of dates, and we didn’t speak a word of the same language. “ How to Build a Life ” is a weekly column by Arthur Brooks, tackling questions of meaning and happiness.
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